In my story Something's Not Right, the following letter which my protagonist writer can't let go drives the story:
After your earlier letter I was expecting at the least a diverting read, and not the excruciatingly hackneyed and clichéd disaster that you sent me. Your inane plot plodded along at a pace that made me want to drive sharpened spikes through my eyes, your characters barely qualified as cardboard cutouts, and your dialog was what I’d expect from a failing eighth grade creative writing student. The only thing that kept me reading your ‘masterpiece’ to the bitter end was my fascination over how shockingly bad it is.
I know you must be disappointed that I cannot offer even a single word of encouragement, but I can offer advice. Please, for the love of God, never put pen to paper again unless it is to compose a suicide note. Even that, I’m afraid, would end up as an unreadable mess.
Best of luck in your future career as a busboy or other such endeavor which I’m sure you’ll be eminently qualified for.
I invite other writers to share their worst rejection letters.
I have two very different noir stories out now. A David Goodis-like story PAST DUE in the Sept/Oct issue of Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine, and a Cornell Woolrich-like story THE LONG ROAD in Coast to Coast Noir. So what's a David Goodis-like noir story? A story where the past catches up to the noir protagonist. How about a Cornell Woolrich-like noir? A missing memory, and the attempt to discover it leads to the noir journey. At least that's my take!
