Small Crimes: only if you're a South Park fan

Friday, November 21, 2008

only if you're a South Park fan

If you've never watched South Park you won't get this.

Picture Stan and Kyle shouting at AIG, Shearson Lehman, and the rest of these thieves:

"Oh my god. They killed the economy. You bastards!"

Thanks to my good friend, Matt, for sending this.

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Praise for MONSTER

"This is juicy material for Franken-fans, and Zeltserman is just faithful enough to the original that his many fresh contributions feel entirely normal. Well, abnormal, to be accurate, but deliciously so." Daniel Kraus, Booklist *Starred review*
"This reworking of Frankenstein is chilling and captivating!...A tale of justice, true love, and ultimate forgiveness, this gruesome novel is perfect for fans of Stephen King and similar horror stories." ForeWord Magazine, *Pick of the Week*
"Zeltserman keeps the action moving relentlessly forward with minimal padding, either in terms of plot or prose. The action is tight and there’s no shade of purple in his style, but there’s plenty going on thematically." WBUR radio
"a rich and fun response to Shelley's classic" Publisher's Weekly
"Magnificently horrific... a surprisingly profound reimagining of the Mary Shelley horror classic Frankenstein" Paul Goat Allen, Barnes & Noble
"Zeltserman follows Shelley’s roadmap just enough to infuse the proceedings with a degree of familiarity, yet his point of view and unique deviations from the original story make every page a joy to read.... MONSTER is a book that horror fans and literature aficionados can read with equal gusto." BookReporter
"Dave Zeltserman’s Monster is an ingenious interpretation of Shelley’s tale...[his] highly readable style harmonizes beautifully with its 19th century European setting. Monster is a must-read for anyone who enjoys horror stories, and shivers when Boris Karloff’s pale fingers twitch back into life." Historical Novels Review

Praise for The Caretaker of Lorne Field

"Superb mix of humor and horror" Publishers Weekly, starred review
"superbly crafted horror story" Booklist
"Harrowing. Zeltserman colors it black with the best of them." Kirkus Reviews
"a very darkly funny dark fantasy" Locus Magazine
"a nail-biter" Library Journal
"The Caretaker of Lorne Field is a wonderfully weird, gritty, and pitch-dark legend, perfect for New England. Weaved in the compulsively readable narrative is a heavy dose of our current society's meanness, unease, and ambiguity: kind of a nightmare-noir zeitgeist. The thing of it is, the reader is never safe in Dave Zeltserman's hands. I love that. You should too." Paul Tremblay

Praise for 21 Tales

"Dave Zeltserman is one of the crime genre's most accomplished, radical, and innovative talents. His command of style and personal dark vision of the world are framed in the short form to reach out and shake the reader by the throat. I only wish that 21 Tales had been 51 Tales or 101 Tales. We need more of his edgy stories to rattle the field."–Tom Piccirilli, author of Shadow Season
"Zeltserman’s twisty-tailed gems drag you deep into pulpland, bitch slap you dizzy, and leave you begging for more."-Roger Smith
"Deadpan and more ruthless than ever, Zeltserman pulls off one clever shocker after another in classic pulp style. Not for the faint-hearted!"-Vicki Hendricks
"In a relatively short period of time Dave Zeltserman has established himself as the most relevant author of dark crime fiction working today. As usual, Dave doesn't pull any punches, and his 21 TALES is inventive, nasty, pulpy fun."-Paul Tremblay
"Dave Zeltserman's stories demonstrate that he's as masterful with the short story as he is with the novel--the same stunning level of craft and the same lacerating vision. This is an important collection." -Ed Gorman
"Dave Zeltserman’s 21 Stories has enough twists and turns and plot reversals to give O’Henry whiplash. Readers should expect the unexpected. Zeltserman delivers some dark and disturbing fun in these stories."-Lynn Kostoff

Praise for Killer

"Spare prose and assured pacing place this above most other contemporary noirs." Publisher's Weekly
"Dave Zeltserman is at it again writing about ex-con antiheroes with the kind of panache that would make Jim Thompson, king of the psycho killer novels, proud." Boston Globe
"With graphic imagery and exciting twists, this novel is impossible to put down and has a surprising ending. A brilliant read." Aberdeen Press & Journal
"This novel is everything hard-boiled fiction should be - compact, direct and disciplined, and concerned with humans rather than stereotypes. It is also, for all its violent subject matter, a quietly told story, which makes its tension all the more intense" Mat Coward, Morning Star
"Written in a spare, terse style, and with chapters alternating between past and present, we slowly learn more about March. But even then the closing chapters present a devastating twist and shocking conclusion." Sunday Tribune
"In his latest novel about a man just out of prison, following "Small Crimes" and "Pariah," Dave Zeltserman displays a genius for capturing the brute facts of survival "on the outside." Leonard is disarmingly sympathetic, which makes the novel's surprise conclusion even more disturbing." Howard County Times
"Finishing off his men-out-of-prison trilogy, Dave Zeltserman delivers KILLER, which does nothing else but prove to readers that he is truly the king of Boston crime. This is not some overwrought, long-winded attempt at noir, but streamlined, punch-to-the-gut writing." Bookgasm
"Killer is a major novel of crime." Ed Gorman
"this is vintage Zeltserman, and that means there's always a tail. With a sting. Be warned." Roger Smith
"Dave Zeltserman's Killer is simply one of the best crime novels I've read. Not in a long time, not in ages, not this year, but ever." Juri Nummelin, Pulpetti
"This excellent tale moves along at a great pace as March tries to redefine himself after prison and reconnect with his children. The chapters alternate between present day and flashbacks to his days as a hitman. There are twist and turns in this novel that will keep you guessing until the last page. If crime fiction is at all for you, you should check this book out because Zeltserman is a new master." 410Media
"In a Nutshell: Superbly written with a real twist in the tale, Killer is a novel which will appeal to lovers of crime fiction and the general readers alike. As a reader who usually ‘crosses the road’ to get away from crime fiction, Zeltserman has single-handedly convinced me that I should rethink my long-established custom of shying away from the genre." RobAroundBooks
"To put it simply, Killer is a brilliant character study that will rip the literary rug right out from under the reader's tightly-curled toes." Corey Wilde, The Drowning Pool
"Here at the Bookbag, we've been very impressed with Dave Zeltserman's work thus far. He uses a wonderful noirish narrative that takes you straight to the heart of the story. His story telling is very straightforward, not weighing down the story with too much style, but sticking to the substance and delivering a hard-hitting work every time. With Killer, he has done the same again." Iain Wear, thebookgag.co.uk

Praise for Pariah

"A doozy of a doom-laden crime story that not only makes merry with the justice system but also satirizes the publishing industry" Washington Post, Best Books of 2009
"Darkly enjoyable... clear, crisp prose; his fearless portrait of amorality; and his smart plotting... what a fine addition to the local literary scene he’s become." Boston Globe
"Pariah is a terrific blast" Metro (UK)
"Take Dave Zeltserman’s Pariah, an entry in what I think of as the Whitey Bulger sweepstakes. Fictions based on the fugitive Boston Irish mobster to date include George V. Higgins’ 2000 novel At the End of the Day and the Oscar-winning Martin Scorsese film The Departed. Zeltserman, writing in the pitch-black comic tradition of Jim Thompson or Charles Willeford, deserves to stand in such exalted company." Chauncey Mabe, Palm Beach Arts Paper
"With this book Zeltserman entrenches his position as the ranking neo-noirist, putting a contemporary spin on a tradition that goes way back to Thompson and James M. Cain. If you like your fiction dark, lean and uncompromising, Pariah has to be at the top of your list." Roger Smith, Crime Beat South Africa
"It's the kind of book that is going to spoil whatever I read next, as it's going to be found wanting compared to this." The Bookbag
"PARIAH is sure to catapult Zeltserman head and shoulders above other Boston authors. This is not only a great crime book, but a gripping read that will crossover to allow greater exposure for this rising talent." Bruce Grossman, Bookgasm
"Pariah is one of the most crazed, hilarious, bitter, brutal novels this side of those composed on violent wards." Ed Gorman
"Pariah is all I know of bliss and lament. Bliss at reading a superb novel and lament at knowing that Dave Zeltserman has now raised the bar so high, we're screwed." Ken Bruen
"PARIAH is my pick for crime novel of the year. Tough, relentless, and packed with blunt force trauma, the book uses a Whitey Bulger-inspired premise as the framework for a disturbing and darkly satirical study of a psychopath." Hard Feelings
"This book just sucked the air right out of me. It's more than great noir. This book's got teeth that bite and claws that catch, and it's a masterpiece... If you revere the dark tales of Charles Willeford, Jim Thompson and James M. Cain, add Dave Zeltserman's name to your list. I promise you that in years to come, when those first three names are mentioned, so will the fourth." Corey Wilde, The Drowning Pool
"This is a masterpiece." Seymour Shubin
"For those who prefer the darker slice of life, Pariah will keep you glued to its pages. The chain reaction of Kyle Nevin’s release from prison on the world around him is the stuff of nuclear explosions. Violent, sexual and relentless, there are no holds barred anywhere in this wonderful launch into evil. The meek beware … be-very-ware." Charlie Stella
"Pariah is sharply satirical and mean as a junkyard dog with a burr on its butt." Bill Crider
"Mean like bad whiskey and sophisticated like good scotch, PARIAH is a rare find and a scorching read. " Cortright McMeel
"Its rare that a meta novel ends up being entertaining as well as clever, but Dave Zeltserman’s excellent new novel, Pariah manages that trick very successfully; at once a noir-ish kidnap novel and an attack on the nature of celebrity memoir, plagiarism and the worst excesses of the publishing industry." Crime Scene Scotland

Praise for Small Crimes

"There's a new name to add to the pantheon of the sons and daughters of Cain: Dave Zeltserman." NPR's Top 5 Crime and Mystery Novels of 2008
"A thing of beauty: spare but ingeniously twisted and imbued with a glossy coating of black humor." Maureen Corrigan, Washington Post's Best Books of 2008
"Zeltserman's breakthrough third crime novel deserves comparison with the best of James Ellroy", Publisher's Weekly, starred review
"A Jim Thompson mentality on a Norman Rockwell setting... 'Small Crimes' is a strong piece of work, lean and spare, but muscular where a noir novel should be, with a strong central character whom we alternately admire and despise." Boston Globe
"Small Crimes is one of the finest dark suspense novels I've read in the past few years." Ed Gorman
"Small Crimes has plenty of crime, but obsession, hubris, and evil, pure and impure, are at the heart of this vivid noir." Booklist, Thomas Gaughan
"A dark masterpiece" Crimespree Magazine
Zeltserman masterfully controls the action, offering dark noir fiction in the best Jim Thompson tradition." Lansing State Journal
"The characterisation and mental torment are reminiscent of the insightful psychological thrillers of Jim Thompson. Stunning stuff." Cath Staincliffe, Tangled Web
"Zeltserman creates an intense atmospheric maze for readers to observe Denton's twisting and turning between his rocks and hard places. Denton is one of the best realised characters I have read in this genre, and the powerfully noir-ish, uncompromising plot, which truly keeps one guessing from page to page, culminates with a genuinely astonishing finale." --David Connett, Sunday Express
"This loamy smorgasboard of salvation and revenge has both a violent and comic edge, marking Zeltserman as a name to watch." Crime Time

Praise for Bad Thoughts

"A compellingly clever wheels-within-wheels thriller. An ingenious plot, skillfully executed" Elliott Swanson, Booklist
"This fast-paced, gritty psychological tale balances the fine line between mystery and horror"—Library Journal
Bad Thoughts is an ambitious genre-bender combining the paranoia and existential dread of the best noir with a liberal dash of The Twilight Zone. Not to be missed. --Poisoned Pen's Booknews
"Dark, brutal, captivating -- this is one hell of a book, the kind of book that doesn't let go of you once you start it. Dave Zeltserman is clearly the real deal." Steve Hamilton
"Dave Zeltserman's Bad Thoughts is a fast moving occult thriller, with taut dialogue and smart, likeable characters. Darkness pervades the Bay State in the late 1990's and Detective Bill Shannon will be lucky to solve a standard missing person's case in one piece. In fact as the story unfolds we see that death and dismemberment could be the least of Bill's worries. Pour yourself a fifth of Scotch, get an easy chair, grab a protective talisman and enjoy." Adrian McKinty, author of Dead I Well May Be and Hidden River

Praise for Fast Lane

"In the last few years there have been a number of writers, such as Ken Bruen and Victor Gischler, who've taken the classic PI novel and tweaked the hell out of it, creating something fresh and unique. Add Dave Zeltserman to the list. Several pages into his debut, I knew that I was reading something special." Poisoned Pen's Book News, Hardboiled Crime Club Selection
"For those of us who believed Jim Thompson would never be equaled, great tidings, he's back in the form of Dave Zeltserman. Hilarious in the darkest fashion, violent, bitter, psychotic and unputdownable" Ken Bruen
"What begins as rather standard and Chandleresque masks a tale that spirals downward into a pit of noir, lies, betrayal, murder... and worse! Private eye Johnny Lane helps a woman find her birth parents but things soon get out of hand. A likeable PI with a hidden Jim Thompson darkside that gets out of control and seems to know no depths. It's there!" Gary Lovisi, Hardboiled Magazine
"FAST LANE has everything I relish in a noir novel--an ingenious, twisting plot, characters I took to heart though I wouldn’t want to take some of them home, and a pace that kept me riveted to a book I couldn’t tear away from in one long, deep-into-the night reading." Seymour Shubin
"FAST LANE is a wild ride on the darkest noir side of the street. Zeltserman has updated Jim Thompson themes of character and situation to forge a private eye novel where everything that can go wrong, does...with highly entertaining, if very grim results." Jeff Gelb

Dark and, at times, amusing fiction from award-winning author Dave Zeltserman

Friday, November 21, 2008

only if you're a South Park fan

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